“The Vampire Of Siam” By Jim Newport

With twenty million dollars in the bank, it goes without saying that Bangkok-based film critic, Martin Larue, enjoys the finer things in life. The poor over-privileged lad is feeling a bit jaded, however, so when impeccably-dressed French vampire, Ramonne, chops off his bodyguard’s head and drains it like a ripe coconut he jumps at the chance to hang out with him for a while.

As well as sharing an interest in fine arts, extravagant living and exotic eastern culture, Martin and Ramonne also enjoy shagging prostitutes together – although Martin feels a little uncomfortable with Ramonne’s tendency to carve them up and hurl their lifeless bodies from high balconies.

Aside from a bit of nagging from Martin’s girlfriend, the Thai women in the book never utter a word. Their sole contribution to the narrative is to moan in ecstasy as they’re having the blood sucked out of their labia – usually on tombstones.

In fairness, though, Ramonne isn’t all bad. He sometimes vents his insatiable bloodlust on Pattaya paedophiles and other undesirables. He also has a soft spot for the girls of the Eden Club who normally escape with just cuts and bruises.

Eventually, though, the friends fall out over body-disposal issues and Martin becomes convinced that the evil Ramonne must be destroyed.

I read The Vampire of Siam during the recent two day failure of UBC’s satellite TV service but, at only 182 pages long, it filled the entertainment gap for just one evening. It’s rather short but, if you have an appreciation for fine wine, classical music and senseless killing, this amusing little book will probably appeal.